David must be Lynched!!

I have been watching a helluva lot of movies lately; most of them, winners of the Golden Palm at Cannes or the Academy Award for the Best Foreign Language Film category. Classics like Kurosawa’s Kagemusha, Dersu Uzala, The Hidden Fortress, The Tin Drum, War and Peace, Der Untergang, Fellini’s La Strada, The Manchurian Candidate, Alfonso Cuarón’s Y Tu Mama Tambien, Kamal Hassan’s Devar Magan etc. I can go on but I’m sure the aforementioned list is sufficient to have given you a complex. Knowing me you would probably gather that I was pretty kicked, having crossed off a big bunch of movies from my ‘must watch’ list. I then decided in this fit of movie mania that I would download every movie that ever won a Golden Palm (which isn’t by any distance a bad decision). The first on the list was David Lynch’s “Wild at Heart”. A Lynch movie that won a Palme d’Or!!! You don’t get that too often, do you? Assuming that this movie was an exception to the ‘Lynch will piss you off’ rule or the more ubiquitous ‘I did not understand the movie, but it’s alright, I aint that intelligent’ rule, I downloaded it.

Now, having seen this (what do I call it? oh yes!! movie) movie, (I will keep the adjectives for later) I will in the following section give you 5 good reasons to watch “Wild at Heart”.

Wow 1) Nicholas Cage!!

Wow 2) The female from Jurassic Park!!! Ya the one who sticks who her finger in dino poop!! Her?? Yup her!! She’s naked in this movie!! Her name is irrelevant.

Wow 3) Willem Defoe playing the psychopathic assassin.

Wow 4) Mr. Reindeer, a mysterious mob boss who is surrounded by (you guessed it right!!) topless nymphs.

Wow 5) The OST has ‘Wicked Games’ by Chris Isaack

Spoiler Warning: The following section contains information that will discourage you from viewing this movie.

The film opens in Cape Fear, where Sailor (Cage) is accosted by a random nigger threatening to kill him. The nigger is then beaten to death in full public view, for which Sailor is rightly sent to jail. 22months and 18 days later, Sailor is out of jail. Lula and Sailor beat the probation and head for California. Marietta, Lula’s psychotic mom (who hires the nigger to kill Sailor after he rejects a lewd offer from her) sends out Johnnie (her lover), a private eye, to bring Lula back. While Johnnie is out in New Orleans looking for the runaway couple, Marietta brings in Santos, a sinister mobster to find Lula and kill Sailor. Much to Marietta’s chagrin Santos agrees to kill Sail on the condition that she must allow him to polish off Johnnie too. Reason: Santos is also in love with the hag. Santos then contacts Mysterious Mr.Reindeer to do the job. Mr.Reindeer is a hitman who employs topless valets and a bunch of ritual killers. During one of their several ‘sexy times’ Lula narrates the story of her cousin Dell to Sail. Dell is a nervous wreck who wants everyday to be Christmas. He makes sandwiches and puts cockroaches in his underwear to relieve himself off this anxiety (see fig). I found this flashback particularly disgusting and utterly pointless. The movie is rife with other such futile attempts at iconography, that tend to frustrate the viewer to a point where one does not know whether the scene he is watching is of any significance to the plot or not.

Coming back to the plot, Marietta calls Johnnie, who is already in New Orleans, to warn him of the impending danger. During this conversation Marietta smears her face with red lipstick and then dunks her head in the commode for no particular reason. Yet another demonstration of effective methods of wasting celluloid. Cut!! Marietta is with Johnnie in New Orleans urging him to leave with her that very night. Johnnie is then abducted by the trio of ritual killers while he is packing. Marietta is informed that Johnnie has gone buffalo hunting. In the mean time Sail and Lula who are on their way to Texas encounter a victim of a car crash, who later drops dead after rambling around in a much too lurid fashion. This incident apparently portends the dark future that lies ahead of the eloping couple.

While all of this is happening Johnnie is killed by the ritual killers in the most mind fucking way concievable. Santos takes Marietta back and Lula starts hallucinating about a bad witch. Arbit!! The couple then reaches a vague Texan town called Big Tuna where they encounter a bunch of freaks inc Bobby Peru (Defoe), an abominable ex-Marine.

At the dinner table some long haired dude introduces another quirky guy called Bosis Spool to the pair. Spool goes onto say the following:

My dog barks some.

Mentally, you picture my dog,

but, I have not told you

the type of dog which I have.

Perhaps

you might even picture Toto

from the "Wizard of Oz". /*one of Lynch's various references to ‘Wizard of Oz’*/

But I can tell you

my dog is always with me.

I suppose you see where I’m getting at. Cut!! Flies all over bits of cereal. Sailor enters the room and asks Lula why the room smells bad. Lula Says she has barfed. Bastard Lynch shows the barf (The flies!! The regurgitated cereal!! The vomit). Ewwww!!! Lula then tells Sailor that she is pregnant. Cut!! While Sail is filling his engine with oil Peru molests Lula. Random digression.Peru and Sail go onto rob a feed store during which Peru reveals to Sail that he has been sent to murder him and later accidentally blows his own head off. Sail is put in jail. Some years later Sail is out of prison and Lula brings their kid Pace to receive him. Marietta is now a drunk degenerate. On their way back home Lula arbitrarily gets anxious. Sailor assumes that she isn’t interested in getting back with him. He then leaves her only to be knocked out cold by a bunch of hoods. In his state of fist induced stupor Sailor dreams of a good witch who tells him that if he were truly wild at heart, he would fight for his dreams. He then runs back to Lula and sings ‘Love me tender’ despite his swollen nose. They unite and live happily ever after.

The end.

I had seen Lynch's Mulholland Drive and Elephant Man . This movie did little to change my opinion of the insane cunt.

I rest my case.